Fifty Thoughts

Shanhu Lee

  1. I feel I will wake up tomorrow morning not alive.

2. I feel I really don’t like holidays.

3. I feel my body and mind are separated and they live on different continents.

4. I feel spring is sometimes colder than winter.

5. I feel I am happier being alone.

6. I feel I am not capable of loving someone unconditionally.

7. I feel my dog is my child.

8. I feel people should admire my good body.

9. I feel I worry too much about whether I will have Alzheimer’s disease.

10. I feel sometimes no one understands me.

11. I feel I like to talk about myself too much.

12. I feel I need to learn to talk about myself less.

13. I feel I cannot stop talking about myself.

14. I feel talking is useless. I rather want to write down.

15. I feel I am an underdog and I want to support underdogs.

16. I feel I will never be able to finish writing a book, even though I have so many great ideas.

17. I feel love is like a Christmas tree I see in January.

18. I feel ashamed of my low voice and I cannot speak in coherent sentences.

19. I feel two squirrels live in my house and they make babies every day at the attic.

20. I feel I will fall from the stairs at any time.

21. I feel money is the most reliable thing in life.

22. I feel lucky I don’t have to marry someone for a green card, money, or sperms.

23. I feel I look much younger than I am, although I know what I look like.

24. I feel I never can remember the names of plants.

25. I feel I want to eat breakfast all day.

26. I feel I don’t know how I slept with many men whose names I don’t remember.

27. I feel I cannot stand bullies.

28. I feel most people are lazy or dishonest.

29. I feel I complain too much all the time.

30. I feel I have accomplished none and I will just extinct quietly from Earth.

31. I feel I have more sex in my dream than in real life.

32. I feel children are ungrateful in general.

33. I feel sex is overrated, marriage is overrated, and relationship is overrated.

34. I feel more than 50% of people are not qualified to become a parent.

35. I feel I can never find an interesting show to watch on TV. I wonder what people watch every evening. It is a mystery to me.

36. I feel I want to confront my mother about why she did not like me.

37. I feel sick when I think of my father who died alone – in the hospital at the cold night in the snowing winter, all alone. What was he feeling? What was he thinking? Was he wondering about me?

38. I feel I will never see my mother again, and this makes me feel sad.

39. I feel I want to stay in bed and read all day long.

40. I feel I want doing something constantly and this makes me feel very exhausted.

41. I feel Nancy Pelosi is a hypocrite.

42. I feel I will not vote for a Democratic president anytime soon.

43. I feel my house is much prettier than many places I visit. When I travel, I miss my home and the sunset I see from my living room.

44. I feel getting up before 7 AM can improve my mental health more than doing daily meditation.

45. I feel very irritated when I waste time or someone makes me waste my time.

46. I feel my green jade ring is the most beautiful thing I own in my life.

47. I feel I cannot remember anything after reading a book.

48. I feel I own too much stuff and I don’t want to acquire anything anymore for the rest of my life.

49. I feel my neighbors watch me whether I have Christmas decorations or not.

50. I feel I miss Eric’s island home in Martha’s Vineyard and I feel I want to have a breakfast at Black Dog.